What is wrong with your baby? It looks weird. (Note: there is nothing wrong with it. It just isn't cute)
If you weren't in junior high, I'd tell you to get a room already. Goodness sakes, you can't even go out on a date yet.
Did you adopt, did the father leave, did you get AI, did you have a one night stand? Exactly where did this kid come from?
Yep, bitchiness does come through in text form.
I guess when you don't have your daddy's lawyer money backing you up, you ain't shit, are ya Mr. Best Rancher on the Planet?
Are you gay? "In a relationship", no males in any pictures, a ring on your left hand but not on the ring finger and a comment someone left about sicking your friend on the person who gave you a black eye in a softball game. If so, I bet you wish you could take back your judgmental condescension about me being too hung over to go to Mass with you in college.
Jeez, if that is what I look like after losing 34 pounds, I must have looked horrible before.
Things I wish I could say on facebook
July 23rd, 2010 at 04:57 am
July 23rd, 2010 at 12:22 pm 1279887729
July 23rd, 2010 at 03:30 pm 1279899048
July 23rd, 2010 at 03:39 pm 1279899581
July 23rd, 2010 at 04:48 pm 1279903682
"Are you sure you are the father? It doesn't really look like you at all."
"Oh gosh, how can I create a TMI bodily information filter?"
"Wow. Are you suddenly rich or what an earth does a girl that looks like that see in you?"
"Dude.. you do realize you have friended your boss right? And that you did call in sick today..?"
"I wonder if anyone's been killed yet because their constant posts about their progress in all those mindless Zynga games.."
July 23rd, 2010 at 11:20 pm 1279927249
July 24th, 2010 at 01:12 am 1279933975
Mine would include:
-You can't whine about being broke if you sit at home all day drinking all day with your mates.
-No one on facebook wants to know if your child did a poo in the toilet. Ever.
-If you start a post-baby weightloss program, you can't actually count the loss of the baby & placenta as bodily weightloss.
-If you announce every two weeks that you've lost 1 or 2 kilograms over the course of a year, can we safely assume that the weeks in between you have gained it back? Because you don't appear to have lost the 22 kilograms that I have counted since you started posting.
-'Making a thai feast' to me, does not mean stirring flavoured sauces through prechopped vegetables.
-Do you think your husband really wants to know if your personal trainer is hot?
-Please stop posting every detail about your crumbling relationship.
-Everyone gets that you want your partner to propose to you. Either he is stupid, or he doesn't want to ask you to marry him just yet.
-You don't reserve the right to whine about your baby boy having epilepsy if you refused to stop drinking or smoking while pregnant.
-Why would you upload bad photographs of YOURSELF?
-Your new tattoo is just awful. It looks like a backyard job. I know a guy who could fix it for you.
- I know you're my cousin, but I'm beginning to understand why your wife left you. You're a chauvinistic pig.
-You know it's probably not the greatest idea to post pictures of you and your boyfriend smoking bongs, right?
July 24th, 2010 at 03:16 am 1279941379
July 24th, 2010 at 04:17 am 1279945043
just because your married to my ex husband, does not mean you are my friend...nor do i want to hear how wonderful he is...because he was a worthless jerk when he found you on the internet and drug you here while he was still married to me...so stfu....
also..just because you share blood with my child..doesnt mean you love her..if you dont speak to her in 5 yrs..and then she breaks her back (and she really did)DO NOT post how much you love her and worry about her..because if you did...youed have been here the last 5 freeking years....you lying spiteful hateful *&^%...
ok..that certainly felt better....
July 24th, 2010 at 02:32 pm 1279981926
July 26th, 2010 at 01:42 am 1280108562
September 30th, 2010 at 04:02 am 1285819348
December 13th, 2010 at 02:41 am 1292208089
is giving up. I'm tired of falling for the wrong guy. I think someone else needs to do the chasing now because I can't handle the heartbreak.
---me---
Stop sleeping with them on the first date and letting them move in with you and your son within the month?