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Things I wish I could say on facebook

July 22nd, 2010 at 09:57 pm

What is wrong with your baby? It looks weird. (Note: there is nothing wrong with it. It just isn't cute)

If you weren't in junior high, I'd tell you to get a room already. Goodness sakes, you can't even go out on a date yet.

Did you adopt, did the father leave, did you get AI, did you have a one night stand? Exactly where did this kid come from?

Yep, bitchiness does come through in text form.

I guess when you don't have your daddy's lawyer money backing you up, you ain't shit, are ya Mr. Best Rancher on the Planet?

Are you gay? "In a relationship", no males in any pictures, a ring on your left hand but not on the ring finger and a comment someone left about sicking your friend on the person who gave you a black eye in a softball game. If so, I bet you wish you could take back your judgmental condescension about me being too hung over to go to Mass with you in college.

Jeez, if that is what I look like after losing 34 pounds, I must have looked horrible before.

14 Responses to “Things I wish I could say on facebook”

  1. Broken Arrow Says:


  2. north georgia gal Says:

    Exactly who is the father of that baby? I know you just went through a divorce and already have the kid calling someone else daddy!

  3. phenomenal woman Says:

    This is why I don't post anything about babies on Facebook to begin with! I don't plan to do that for my little one that comming soon. Though I am going to generate a private blog website for long distance family and sort of a online memory book for the little one.

  4. Jerry Says:

    I can't understand some of the pictures that people put on Facebook, anyway... we just had a baby, and I used a very critical eye so that the photos we put up were the ones where the kid looks her absolute baby best. =) Sometimes I see a photo someone has put up and I think "You know, just because you TOOK the picture, doesn't mean that it's gotta be shared with the world!" We are living overseas, so it makes sense for us to have an online forum in which to share images with family and friends.
    This also reminds me of the stories I have read about people putting pics of their beach trip with their mistress, and the images (of course) lead to them being taken to the cleaners in a divorce settlement! There's no insurance against stupidity, is there?

  5. Anna Says:

    Heh. Here a few more:
    "Are you sure you are the father? It doesn't really look like you at all."
    "Oh gosh, how can I create a TMI bodily information filter?"
    "Wow. Are you suddenly rich or what an earth does a girl that looks like that see in you?"
    "Dude.. you do realize you have friended your boss right? And that you did call in sick today..?"
    "I wonder if anyone's been killed yet because their constant posts about their progress in all those mindless Zynga games.."

  6. nmboone Says:

    So funny! I always want to be a bad girl and say stuff like that as well. And about the baby daddy thing there's this one girl that I'm always wondering what the situation was, out of nosiness I guess. But she's the one saying her business on FB! I have a lot of high school friends on mine that kind of get on my nerves, lol!

  7. whitestripe Says:

    HAHAHA.I feel the same way sometimes.

    Mine would include:
    -You can't whine about being broke if you sit at home all day drinking all day with your mates.
    -No one on facebook wants to know if your child did a poo in the toilet. Ever.
    -If you start a post-baby weightloss program, you can't actually count the loss of the baby & placenta as bodily weightloss.
    -If you announce every two weeks that you've lost 1 or 2 kilograms over the course of a year, can we safely assume that the weeks in between you have gained it back? Because you don't appear to have lost the 22 kilograms that I have counted since you started posting.
    -'Making a thai feast' to me, does not mean stirring flavoured sauces through prechopped vegetables.
    -Do you think your husband really wants to know if your personal trainer is hot?
    -Please stop posting every detail about your crumbling relationship.
    -Everyone gets that you want your partner to propose to you. Either he is stupid, or he doesn't want to ask you to marry him just yet.
    -You don't reserve the right to whine about your baby boy having epilepsy if you refused to stop drinking or smoking while pregnant.
    -Why would you upload bad photographs of YOURSELF?
    -Your new tattoo is just awful. It looks like a backyard job. I know a guy who could fix it for you.
    - I know you're my cousin, but I'm beginning to understand why your wife left you. You're a chauvinistic pig.
    -You know it's probably not the greatest idea to post pictures of you and your boyfriend smoking bongs, right?

  8. Frugaltexan75 Says:

    Ha! I was "friends" with this one person from my former workplace. We were mutually friends with the presidents daughter. I was floored by some of the comments she posted about her job. Not that I didn't get where she was coming from ... But is that really what you want the bosses daughter to see??

  9. justericka Says:

    ok..mine has to be...

    just because your married to my ex husband, does not mean you are my friend...nor do i want to hear how wonderful he is...because he was a worthless jerk when he found you on the internet and drug you here while he was still married to me...so stfu....

    also..just because you share blood with my child..doesnt mean you love her..if you dont speak to her in 5 yrs..and then she breaks her back (and she really did)DO NOT post how much you love her and worry about her..because if you did...youed have been here the last 5 freeking years....you lying spiteful hateful *&^%...

    ok..that certainly felt better....

  10. cptacek Says:

    glad you could vent, erica Smile

  11. cptacek Says:

    You named your daughter Jersey?!? For the love of God, why?

  12. Petunia Says:

    ha ha ha ha ha! I was out of town when you posted this, but it sure gave me a laugh today!

  13. online writing Says:

    Do you think your husband really wants to know if your personal trainer is hot? Quite tricky huh.

  14. cptacek Says:

    ---other person's post---
    is giving up. I'm tired of falling for the wrong guy. I think someone else needs to do the chasing now because I can't handle the heartbreak.

    Stop sleeping with them on the first date and letting them move in with you and your son within the month?

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